A Letter to Parents
Dear parents,
Welcome to YOUR ONE DAY. I am so glad that you are here. Whether you stumbled upon this page in a random website search, heard about it from a friend or saw it shared through social media, I am happy you found your way here.
My name is Mary Kahl. I am a mother to two incredible children and have been married for twenty-one years to the love of my life, Kevin. I was born and raised in Iowa but have called Northern Indiana home for the past fourteen years.
I have always had a passion for those who were hurting and those who society might label as underdogs. This passion is what led me to obtain a degree in both elementary and early childhood education. After many years of teaching in both public and private schools, I retired from the classroom to be home with my children, only returning on a volunteer basis. I have recently found myself thrust back into the world of education not as a full time teacher, but as an advocate. It is a role I did not plan but one I have embraced.
Three years ago I found myself thrust into the role of advocate when my son became the victim of repeated and targeted bullying because of his diagnosis of high functioning autism. For three years, my child has been publicly humiliated, slandered and called derogatory names meant to harm, exclude and demean him. It has all been at the hands or under the guidance of ONE child. This situation has caused hurt and damage so deep it will take years if not a lifetime to repair.
As a parent, I tried to intervene by going through every proper channel of reporting. After three years of witnessing the same child targeting mine, I had little hope that there would be any action to correct his behavior. When reporting and documenting didn’t work and as I started to hear other student’s stories and the lack of action they received, I chose to bring awareness to the subject of bullying as well as the role of the public school system in responding to threats made against our children. I knew that if I could bring awareness and educate others through my own experiences I could possibly save another family from the heartache we were enduring.
While I was immersed in my own heartache, others started sharing their similar experiences with me. I have been contacted by so many students and parents all facing similar situations. Their children were being spit on, shoved into corners, called derogatory names and their cries for help were not being heard. After listening to the heartbreaking stories, I felt led to take the heartache of my own experience and combine it with my heart’s cry and start raising awareness while also advocating for students and parents who feel hopeless. Through the power of social media, I have told my family’s story, including the messy parts. Especially the messy parts.
Through my experience I saw firsthand that if our children cannot go to school and be who they were born to be, if they continue to walk the hallways in fear while being relentlessly pursued by classmates, they could and do suffer from more than just hurt feelings and isolation. It could cost them their life.
It is because of situations like our family is encountering and so many of you have experienced inside the walls of our schools that we are confronted with issues like depression and worthlessness. It is partly to blame for the rise in suicidal thoughts and tendencies in teenagers.
Before I could try to figure out why it was happening and what I could do to help I had to first recognize what is not working.
Our kids are receiving so many messages that are conflicting. Some of these are a result of the shows they watch but others are learned in their own school. Our systems of reporting are relying on our youth to take responsibility for serious matters by teaching them crisis management skills when in reality they can’t even get their own homework done.Teaching our kids to recognize and report signs of suicide in their peers is a band aid covering a gaping wound, the wound of WHY. Why do kids want to end their lives? The “why” of suicide more often than not includes their daily school experiences.
Therefore, our kids do not need crisis management skills, they need heart management skills. Even more important than any skill, they need hope. They need hope over anything else and they need the adults to start providing it. Our kids live in EVERY crisis as if it is the end of their world because in their mind it is. Our children have a difficult time seeing their life past their current hurt. The now and immediate is their focus. The future and distant is harder to envision.
Through the hundreds of stories I have listened to, I began to see the same path the decent to hopelessness took
It looks like this:
Crisis occurs. Stuff it inside. Overthink it. Watch it played out on social media. Start thinking it’s only you as what you see online in others shows seemingly perfect lives, with no problems. Say, “I’m fine” when asked by friends or adults. Retreat. Start withdrawing. Stop connecting. Begin thinking about a way out. Hopelessness enters in-Unable to see life past trial. Give up.
Giving up does not necessarily mean ending your life, it means you have no hope to see past your crisis.
HOPE IS LIFE and is the reason for this blog: to provide hope, through our own stories.
Our stories have the power to save lives.
They can be the one reason someone chooses bravery over fear,
hope over heartache. Life over death.
We need to stop telling our kids that it will get better and start showing them it does.
We need to show them what their own ONE DAY could look like.
I would love for you to join me and become a part of a community of adults who are courageous enough to share our stories and offer hope for a future to those who are struggling. I also would like to encourage you to share this page with your children.
Click here to read my letter to them.
Together, we can show our children that instead of hoping for their lives to end, they can have hope in their future of new beginnings.
After living in a season of intense hurt and pain and watching deep pain and a sense of hopelessness in my own son, I know I must do my part to help others.
We are our children’s first and best advocates. It is up to us to make sure our children not only know they are loved and accepted but that their negative experiences in high school will not define them or their future.
Instead of telling them, I plan to show them through the stories of adults why they should hang on and to SHOW them that ONE DAY they will see, their decision to persevere will be worth it.
I am excited for you to join me.
Mary Kahl
Your One Day 